The worst fund managers: sleepy, unbalanced, injured and egotistical
"What’s the worst ever private equity pitch you’ve seen?" That’s the question I put to my panel at SuperInvestor, the annual conference for private equity decision makers, in November 2015. Between them, they review 400 fund pitches every year.
On the panel were Catherine Lewis La Torre (Head of Private Equity, Cardano), Anna Dayn (CEO, Dayn Advisors), Spencer Miller (Former Managing Director, OpTrust Private Markets Group) and Marc der Kinderen (Managing Partner, 747 Capital).
Here are four pitches to learn from – but not to replicate.
1. The sleepy fund manager
Anna Dayn recalled a first-time meeting with a fund manager from Asia. Five or six men were sat across the table talking when their colleague at the end fell asleep. Anna advises, “Get in your z-z-zs ahead of the meeting because that just looked awful to us.”
2. The unbalanced fund manager
Catherine Lewis La Torre told us about a group who spent an hour talking about one of the weaker companies in their portfolio. It gave the impression they did not know how to focus. They should have used their time more wisely.
3. The injured fund manager
Spencer Miller met a managing partner who asked if he could lie down as he had a bad back. From the boardroom floor he then proceeded with his pitch. Spencer said, “I didn’t know whether to sit down at the table or on the floor with him.”
4. The egotistical fund manager
Marc der Kinderen spoke of a group of six or seven professionals who came to deliver a pitch. He was impressed that so many were in attendance, and was looking forward to a strong presentation. But the founder had other ideas, reeling off his own achievements in one long stream of ‘I bought… I did… I sold… I made…’. Marc added, “The moment that one of his juniors began to speak, the founder took out his iPhone and started emailing. That was enough. We want teams, not one guy.”