Listening: Strategic negotiation
We all know that private equity is a relationship business. Whether originating deals or cultivating a C-level contact list, being able to form and maintain strong relationships is essential. Communication is a key skill in this business.
And an essential key part of good communication is listening.
So it was lucky that SuperInvestor in Amsterdam had invited Richard Mullender, Former Lead Trainer at the National Hostage and Crisis Negotiation Unit at Scotland Yard, to tell us how to do be better at it.
Why does listening matter?
He may have a self-proclaimed "zero" knowledge about investing, but 30 years as a hostage negotiator means that Richard knows a thing or two about communication skills.
And why they matter.
"Why should you listen to me telling you how to listen better?" he asked.
"You listen for an outcome. Your outcome is: How can I get the best possible piece of information from this person, so that when I get to sell this product or this idea, I know how to present it in such a way that the client will listen?
"The problem with most of us," he added, "is that we sell to ourselves. We don't listen to the person we're supposed to be listening to."
"Most of my work was suicide intervention," he told a suddenly hushed audience.
"It's a straight business deal: their proposal is that death is better than life. My proposal is life is better than death. I have to work out why my proposal is more compelling than theirs."
Richard went on to give us some valuable insights into how to listen more effectively.
Don't believe everything you have been told
The first thing Richard did was to rid us all of the idea that most communication is through body language:
"You're all good at body language, you don't need to read a book on body language to tell you when someone's upset," he announced.
Then he told us that if we want to find out more, less is more, in other words, the way to find out more is not to keep asking questions:
"Every time you ask a question you're changing the subject to what you want to know, not what they want to tell you. Just shut up and listen to want they want to say. You can get loads of information without asking questions."
You don't have complete control over what comes out of your mouth.
In 2009, Tony Blair admitted in a television interview that he would have invaded Iraq anyway (if he hadn't found evidence of WMDs).
Richard used this example to illustrate the fact that you don't have complete control over what comes out of your mouth.
"You can't help but give away secrets. That's why lunches are so important: clients will give you everything you need to know if you really listen. "
"Active listening skills don't teach you to listen – they keep them talking.
"And by keeping people talking, you can being to gather what their values are.
"Once I've got our values I can impose them on you. And people give you that all the time. It's not the information you are given; it's the insight that information gives you that is important."
It's not about you
"Whenever you're talking to someone they're asking themselves, what's in it for me?"
Trust is everything
People don't realise how important trust is, according to Richard.
"The number one negotiation card for hostage negotiators is the trust card. If you're talking to someone on the bridge who wants to jump, it's pouring with rain, but you've had a cup of coffee and you need to go to the toilet, how do you walk away? You say: "give me your word you will not do anything until I come back". If they do, they will not jump. It's crazy but it's true – they have given their word."
"So personal trust is important. You don't negotiate with companies, you negotiate with a person, if it doesn't happen it's your fault not the company's."
Take your turn in the conversation but let people ramble
Nod, smile, grunt, but take your return on the conversation, explained Richard.
"If you really want to find out about the person in front of you shut up and let them ramble"
Listening is the key to everything
"I haven't taught you to listen, I've taught you to listen differently," concluded Richard.
"Listening is the key to everything – it will give you everything you want from life."